休息

生活的計劃被打亂了。本想在七月底去溫哥華美國使館換簽證，回來後搬家到洛杉磯。可加拿大簽證申請了兩次均被拒絕。估計是因為我現在的簽證要到期了，加拿大使館怕我逃去加拿大做非法移民。所以定了八月底的機票回國去簽，翻譯學校的入學可能要推遲一個學期。

這其實也給我一個休整的機會。到現在為止的幾次大的生活轉變，我都是像趕集似的。比如從德國來美國做實習，上午交了畢業論文，下午招待同事們吃東西，晚上打包，午夜坐飛機就來了。又比如從實習轉到剛結束的這份工作，老闆要求兩週內報到，我急忙換簽證、交接數據。而我的性格就像我的走路，特別慢，處理壓力能力比較差，有時很不適應這種快節奏。如果這次拿到加拿大簽證，進而拿到美國簽證，我可以料想我接下來的日子必定又是像高速列車一樣：快速打包、快速找房子、快速搬家、快速拆包，在沒怎麼反應過來時課程就開始了。而現在，我可以慢慢收拾東西，辦一個再見爬梯，逛逛舊金山沒去的角落，參加同事的婚禮，寫一兩篇博課，做一些翻譯。安心地做這些事情。

上週五是我工作的最後一天。一整天忙忙碌碌。上午開組會，下午交接數據。直到六點半才一切搞定，有點傷感地離開工作了三年的地方。實驗室同事給我的再見卡密密麻麻地寫滿了他們的祝願，以致老闆只能在背面找地方；我為工作過的兩個博士後和我訓練的新的實驗員都送了我小禮物。驚喜地感動了一下－－平時的熱心和努力別人其實都看在眼裡。老板有点失望，身为一个名校毕业的醫生加哲學博士，她希望實驗室每一個人不是黨醫生就是做科學家。不過她最後還是給了我一個大的擁抱，說，不論你做甚麼，有事找我，推薦信啦甚麼的。

又拔了一顆智齒，腮邊腫了幾天，臉都被擠得變形，立此存照。

夏天

最近读了好几本书。《傅雷家书》、杨绛的《洗澡》、林语堂的《中国人》（My country, my people的中译本）。这几位都是学惯中西的大家。

傅雷精通法文英文，翻译了很多法国名著，又熟知西方文艺史。他给傅聪的很多信谈论他对莫扎特、萧邦、舒伯特等的理解，谈论他对西方文化和东方文化的比较，他对罗马精神和魏晋风骨的向往。这些知识对我像是扫盲，读起来很有趣味。他的文字非常细致，就像他为人一样。后来上网查到他在文革刚开始时因被诬陷反党反中央而自缢身亡，我觉得非常惋惜。

《洗澡》的文字风格是杨绛惯有而独特的那种清淡、风趣。我很欣赏她的这种风格，无论再深刻、风趣或悲伤的事，她都是那么清淡的调子，你却不会不体会到那些情绪。傅雷给傅聪的信中曾提到，这些东西（指一些轻巧的外文著作）要靠你必姨她们那一套。“必姨”，是杨绛的妹妹杨必；“她们”可能也包括杨绛。我对历史了解的太少，没想到新中国对知识分子的扭曲从五一年三反就开始了。

林语堂就更不必说了。单从他用英文写了《中国人》这本全球畅销书来说，就知道他的水平了。他六七十年前写的讨论中国人本性的书至今仍无人能超越。这得益于他对中国文化的深刻阅读和理解及他采用的比较文化的方法。他在台北的故居也是我喜欢的一种样子，四合院布局，白墙青瓦，石子路，竹子，简单明了、赏心悦目。

最近的日子就是在这样读书上班，时而躁动、时而闲散的节奏下度过。拿到了驾照。车窗被砸。学会了仰泳（back stroke）：我只能背朝天才能浮起来。参加了游行。想起去年这个时间的种种。原计划夏天回北京学德语没有实现，老板不同意走，机票也贵的要命。有时神经质地担心将来，有时什么都不想只是看书。好的一点是，自己的耐心似乎比以前好了一些，尽量不把自己的烦恼殃及或映射到T或其他人。

Out

Break

The Chinese school where I have been teaching will finish its school year this Saturday. On that day there will be a students' show for their parents. We have rehearsed twice. My students did great. I am very looking forward to it. It has been a great experience to teach Mandarin to middle school kids every Saturday morning. The school has six or seven classes for kids of different ages to learn Cantonese and Mandarin. During the class break, seeing students fly around and hearing their noise is very enjoyable. Also, seeing my students improve makes me feel I have accomplished something. It is a good feeling. We have reached a point where they are used to my teaching style and where I know how to teach them well. So it is sad to leave them. Next year, they will have a new teacher. I hope they will have a great transition.

My volleyball league has come to a break too. We finished the spring season. The summer one will not begin until a month later. Again we ranked No. 2 out of the six teams. This was the fourth time that I played with this team and the third time that we ranked the second place. There is always something missing in my team that stops us from getting the championship. "We have issues in our team", one teammate said. Our passing is not always that great; we don't have a fast-running setter; we have a few short people... Well, we just play for fun. A bunch of grads, posdocs, and lab researchers get together to work out a bit every Tuesday evening. The good thing for me is that I finally got the feel of passing in this season: Form my arm platform and place it facing the setter, ninety percent of the times, I'll give a good pass. During this break, I can focus on improving my hitting technique.

I had wanted to take a break with T too. After seeing him for several months, I told him the points in his personality that I had difficulty coping with. He was a little upset with me for a couple of days. Then one night before we went to sleep, he popped the three words. "I want you to know it", he said. That moment my heart was moved. And I decided to take this three-year younger, ghetto, completely spontaneous, not always patient, very judgmental, but very loyal, always supportive, and hopelessly romantic kid. I'll accept his personality. Certainly there will still be many issues. But my attitude has changed from "I don't know whether it is worth working on them" to "okay, let's work on them".

Some breaks mean farewell, some getting better.

清理

这一周的事情很多。周一学开车；周二、周三做口译；周四拔智齿；周五做研究汇报。周一时觉得压力很大，但当一项一项做起来，也就都过来了。

最近开始做几件拖了很久的事，就像清理陈年旧帐。

先是学开车。来美国三年多，在旧金山市内坐公交车，一点问题没有；可一出远门就要蹭别人的车。比如去滑雪，我很想多去几次，可是要找愿开车和我去又喜欢滑雪的，就不那么容易。又比如在夏威夷，都是T开车跑来跑去，我坐在车里，总觉得很不好意思。要搬去洛杉矶，人人都说不会开车不行，于是就学起来了。教练是个实践派，第一次见面就把我放在了司机的位置上，领着我在旧金山高高低低的路上练习。第三次时让我开车去接他的孩子放学，在一个盘山路上转来转去，非常惊险。在这样师傅的指导下，我的胆子也越来越大。

游泳课从下周开始上。这也是一个计划很久但一直没有实现的事情。夏威夷之行给了我很大刺激。不会游泳，连潜伏（snorkeling）都不可以，错过了很多乐趣。在慕尼黑做毕业论文时，实验室有一个潜水（diving）爱好者，休假的时候去埃及、希腊海边潜水，拍回了很多海底漂亮的照片。当时的实验室研究荧光蛋白质（fluorescent proteins），最常用的荧光蛋白质就是从珊瑚中提取出来的，我们开玩笑说，他在潜水时可以带一些试样回来。我当时也向他表示自己对潜水很感兴趣。在我离开实验室时，他认真地说，“don't forget to learn diving”。想想这已是三四年前的事，现在自己还是个旱鸭子。在这边去过几次游泳池，试图自悟一下。但水对我来说是一种全新的环境，真有点有力无处使的感觉。所以还是决定上个班看看。

还有就是对身体的修修补补。快要离开现在的工作了，要把健康保险好好利用一下。等去洛杉矶上学，保险就要自己买了。于是去配了副眼镜，计划把有潜在危险的两个智齿拔掉。周四去找R医生拔第一颗。据他说我的牙齿是一个“difficult case”。“I under-estimated it”，他的原话。所以拔了很久。他鼓捣了半个多小时，各种金刚器械频繁换来换去，只听他呼吸渐重，终于他说，“真费劲，我先坐下休息一下”。算是拔牙时的一个笑话。我开他玩笑说，要不要换个姿势？

最后就是在贻贝上做买卖。总是听人说贻贝上卖东西买东西如何好玩。我中文学校一位六七岁的小朋友有一天都说，“I don't like my sun glasses. I'll sell them on Ebay”。我始终很好奇，但都懒得建账号。两周前总算一试，卖出了一块硬盘。还记得看到第一个也是唯一的一个竞标时自己的兴奋。当时每天查一下出售情况，也给自己的生活带来些乐趣。

Hang lose

The past Sunday was a warm sunny day. The first thing that came across my mind was going to the Golden Gate Park! Volleyball playing, frisbee throwing, and people watching are all very fun. When tired, I laid down on the grass, picking up the book "Observing life peacefully" (《静观人生》) to read. It is a collection of essays written by painter and writer Feng Zikai (丰子凯). In one essay, one of his friends was telling him that "it is easy to paint the unpredictable of life, while it is not to paint everyday life" (“画无常易，而画有常难”). Paraphrased, it is like saying that it is easy to describe, and also to remember, the dramas of life -- good things like promotion and wins, bad things like break-ups or loss of close people, but it is challenging to record, and perhaps to enjoy, your daily life. In a way, to live life is to learn to live both the dramas and the humdrum.

The "drama" of my recent life is that I have been to Hawaii. Another line on my wish list crossed! I booked my ticket way back in January, which gave me something to look forward to for three months. I got excited immediately when I saw the tropical plants at the little garden of Honolulu's airport, like the banana trees and the elephant ears. This excitement lasted through the whole trip, from buying my own Aloha shirt, to watching the Hula and the Tahitian grass skirt dances, to visiting the local favorite Waimanalo beach, and to hiking in the rain forest and sea kayaking. T did a great job on planning the itinerary. We did everything he planned.

There are so many things I love about Hawaii, obviously, and probably like many people do. One of them is that Hawaiian people seem to be very laid back. Just like their life philosophy: Hang lose. The speed limit for driving is 35 to 45mph. Nobody honks at each other, which is really rare for San Franciscans. In a safeway store, it took one server five minutes to make me a sandwich, whereas in San Francisco, it may take only ninety seconds. People there seem to imply, "take your time; no hurries".

The trip was only a bit short. Three full days plus two half-days. We haven't got a chance to climb the Diamond Peak and visit the Pearl Harbor. Well, there is always another time, no hurries.

锻炼

周末去Tahoe滑雪，赶雪季的末班车。（题外话：那天电视上重播《教父》一，发现它竟拍摄于Lake Tahoe！）

傍晚出发的时候，湾区晴朗灿烂，于是下意识地认为只有三个半小时车程的Tahoe应该不会不同到哪里去。没有看Tahoe天气情况，没有带雪链。哪知进山后碰上纷飞大雪，有几段能见度几乎为零。风速也不小，雪片被风裹着，在车灯打照的锥形光区里组成各种队形，倏忽变换，就像银鱼群在海里变换各种形状。汽车都纷纷停下，安装雪链。我和T战战兢兢地开着我们20岁的车，把车速降到20－30迈。最后总算安全抵达。

第二天，天放晴，阳光明媚，有了前一天新鲜的雪末，滑起来感觉非常好。再次赞一下Sugar Bowl雪场雪季末的“买一张缆车票，免费租雪具和上课”的促销活动。去年也是赶上了同样的好事，上了一节课，把我的滑雪水平从绿道升级到了蓝道上。今年又上了一节课，练习两雪板并行拐弯技术。在课的最后，老师还教了一些倒滑、穿树林、跳雪堆的小技巧，都挺刺激。这次最大的收获是悟到了怎么直腰，身体重心不再习惯性往后坐。腰一直起来，顿觉一切都轻松了许多。T也玩得很激动，尝到了滑雪的乐趣。他生平第二次滑，上了一节课，可以在绿道上用比萨饼脚法转弯（Wedge turning）了。体育锻炼对人有益，除了在运动时身体产生的一些化学分子让人兴奋，还有在你感受到掌握一些新东西时心理上的满足。

对有些运动，象滑雪，我比较容易进步。另一些，象排球，我进步则比较慢。打了一年多了，下手传球（bumping）还是摸不着头脑。网上教程看了很多，也上过几次课，技术理论都知道，就是转换到实践时，总是觉得那么别扭。可能只有不断练习，直到“顿悟”的那一刻。

最近又喜欢上了两项新运动。一是太极，一是Zumba。

萌发学太极的想法是十二月回国看到爸爸在打。他跟着一张光盘学了几个月，就打得非常有模样了。回来时，爸爸把他的光盘给了我。光盘扔在那里好久没动。后来在给我的中文学生上课时，为贯彻寓教于乐的理念，胡乱教了他们几下印象中的太极动作。没想到他们非常喜欢。于是打几招太极成了我们上课的一部分。我也按着光盘认真地学起来。我喜欢打太极时手脚协调、轻飘飘的感觉。讨论太极拳也成了我和爸爸打电话时的一个新话题。

Zumba是我的健身房最近退出的一个新的舞蹈健身课。是Salsa和肚皮舞（Belly dancing）的一个组合。节奏感很强，很多扭腰的动作。起初跟不上，也放不开。后来发现，大家在跳时，都盯着老师或镜子中的自己在跳，没人注意我。还有两位老爷爷也美滋滋地跳着。于是我也放松地跳了起来。

都是锻炼身体嘛，出汗高兴就好。