清理

这一周的事情很多。周一学开车；周二、周三做口译；周四拔智齿；周五做研究汇报。周一时觉得压力很大，但当一项一项做起来，也就都过来了。

最近开始做几件拖了很久的事，就像清理陈年旧帐。

先是学开车。来美国三年多，在旧金山市内坐公交车，一点问题没有；可一出远门就要蹭别人的车。比如去滑雪，我很想多去几次，可是要找愿开车和我去又喜欢滑雪的，就不那么容易。又比如在夏威夷，都是T开车跑来跑去，我坐在车里，总觉得很不好意思。要搬去洛杉矶，人人都说不会开车不行，于是就学起来了。教练是个实践派，第一次见面就把我放在了司机的位置上，领着我在旧金山高高低低的路上练习。第三次时让我开车去接他的孩子放学，在一个盘山路上转来转去，非常惊险。在这样师傅的指导下，我的胆子也越来越大。

游泳课从下周开始上。这也是一个计划很久但一直没有实现的事情。夏威夷之行给了我很大刺激。不会游泳，连潜伏（snorkeling）都不可以，错过了很多乐趣。在慕尼黑做毕业论文时，实验室有一个潜水（diving）爱好者，休假的时候去埃及、希腊海边潜水，拍回了很多海底漂亮的照片。当时的实验室研究荧光蛋白质（fluorescent proteins），最常用的荧光蛋白质就是从珊瑚中提取出来的，我们开玩笑说，他在潜水时可以带一些试样回来。我当时也向他表示自己对潜水很感兴趣。在我离开实验室时，他认真地说，“don't forget to learn diving”。想想这已是三四年前的事，现在自己还是个旱鸭子。在这边去过几次游泳池，试图自悟一下。但水对我来说是一种全新的环境，真有点有力无处使的感觉。所以还是决定上个班看看。

还有就是对身体的修修补补。快要离开现在的工作了，要把健康保险好好利用一下。等去洛杉矶上学，保险就要自己买了。于是去配了副眼镜，计划把有潜在危险的两个智齿拔掉。周四去找R医生拔第一颗。据他说我的牙齿是一个“difficult case”。“I under-estimated it”，他的原话。所以拔了很久。他鼓捣了半个多小时，各种金刚器械频繁换来换去，只听他呼吸渐重，终于他说，“真费劲，我先坐下休息一下”。算是拔牙时的一个笑话。我开他玩笑说，要不要换个姿势？

最后就是在贻贝上做买卖。总是听人说贻贝上卖东西买东西如何好玩。我中文学校一位六七岁的小朋友有一天都说，“I don't like my sun glasses. I'll sell them on Ebay”。我始终很好奇，但都懒得建账号。两周前总算一试，卖出了一块硬盘。还记得看到第一个也是唯一的一个竞标时自己的兴奋。当时每天查一下出售情况，也给自己的生活带来些乐趣。

Hang lose

The past Sunday was a warm sunny day. The first thing that came across my mind was going to the Golden Gate Park! Volleyball playing, frisbee throwing, and people watching are all very fun. When tired, I laid down on the grass, picking up the book "Observing life peacefully" (《静观人生》) to read. It is a collection of essays written by painter and writer Feng Zikai (丰子凯). In one essay, one of his friends was telling him that "it is easy to paint the unpredictable of life, while it is not to paint everyday life" (“画无常易，而画有常难”). Paraphrased, it is like saying that it is easy to describe, and also to remember, the dramas of life -- good things like promotion and wins, bad things like break-ups or loss of close people, but it is challenging to record, and perhaps to enjoy, your daily life. In a way, to live life is to learn to live both the dramas and the humdrum.

The "drama" of my recent life is that I have been to Hawaii. Another line on my wish list crossed! I booked my ticket way back in January, which gave me something to look forward to for three months. I got excited immediately when I saw the tropical plants at the little garden of Honolulu's airport, like the banana trees and the elephant ears. This excitement lasted through the whole trip, from buying my own Aloha shirt, to watching the Hula and the Tahitian grass skirt dances, to visiting the local favorite Waimanalo beach, and to hiking in the rain forest and sea kayaking. T did a great job on planning the itinerary. We did everything he planned.

There are so many things I love about Hawaii, obviously, and probably like many people do. One of them is that Hawaiian people seem to be very laid back. Just like their life philosophy: Hang lose. The speed limit for driving is 35 to 45mph. Nobody honks at each other, which is really rare for San Franciscans. In a safeway store, it took one server five minutes to make me a sandwich, whereas in San Francisco, it may take only ninety seconds. People there seem to imply, "take your time; no hurries".

The trip was only a bit short. Three full days plus two half-days. We haven't got a chance to climb the Diamond Peak and visit the Pearl Harbor. Well, there is always another time, no hurries.

锻炼

周末去Tahoe滑雪，赶雪季的末班车。（题外话：那天电视上重播《教父》一，发现它竟拍摄于Lake Tahoe！）

傍晚出发的时候，湾区晴朗灿烂，于是下意识地认为只有三个半小时车程的Tahoe应该不会不同到哪里去。没有看Tahoe天气情况，没有带雪链。哪知进山后碰上纷飞大雪，有几段能见度几乎为零。风速也不小，雪片被风裹着，在车灯打照的锥形光区里组成各种队形，倏忽变换，就像银鱼群在海里变换各种形状。汽车都纷纷停下，安装雪链。我和T战战兢兢地开着我们20岁的车，把车速降到20－30迈。最后总算安全抵达。

第二天，天放晴，阳光明媚，有了前一天新鲜的雪末，滑起来感觉非常好。再次赞一下Sugar Bowl雪场雪季末的“买一张缆车票，免费租雪具和上课”的促销活动。去年也是赶上了同样的好事，上了一节课，把我的滑雪水平从绿道升级到了蓝道上。今年又上了一节课，练习两雪板并行拐弯技术。在课的最后，老师还教了一些倒滑、穿树林、跳雪堆的小技巧，都挺刺激。这次最大的收获是悟到了怎么直腰，身体重心不再习惯性往后坐。腰一直起来，顿觉一切都轻松了许多。T也玩得很激动，尝到了滑雪的乐趣。他生平第二次滑，上了一节课，可以在绿道上用比萨饼脚法转弯（Wedge turning）了。体育锻炼对人有益，除了在运动时身体产生的一些化学分子让人兴奋，还有在你感受到掌握一些新东西时心理上的满足。

对有些运动，象滑雪，我比较容易进步。另一些，象排球，我进步则比较慢。打了一年多了，下手传球（bumping）还是摸不着头脑。网上教程看了很多，也上过几次课，技术理论都知道，就是转换到实践时，总是觉得那么别扭。可能只有不断练习，直到“顿悟”的那一刻。

最近又喜欢上了两项新运动。一是太极，一是Zumba。

萌发学太极的想法是十二月回国看到爸爸在打。他跟着一张光盘学了几个月，就打得非常有模样了。回来时，爸爸把他的光盘给了我。光盘扔在那里好久没动。后来在给我的中文学生上课时，为贯彻寓教于乐的理念，胡乱教了他们几下印象中的太极动作。没想到他们非常喜欢。于是打几招太极成了我们上课的一部分。我也按着光盘认真地学起来。我喜欢打太极时手脚协调、轻飘飘的感觉。讨论太极拳也成了我和爸爸打电话时的一个新话题。

Zumba是我的健身房最近退出的一个新的舞蹈健身课。是Salsa和肚皮舞（Belly dancing）的一个组合。节奏感很强，很多扭腰的动作。起初跟不上，也放不开。后来发现，大家在跳时，都盯着老师或镜子中的自己在跳，没人注意我。还有两位老爷爷也美滋滋地跳着。于是我也放松地跳了起来。

都是锻炼身体嘛，出汗高兴就好。

Plateau

Betty

Being sick is no fun. Runny nose. Watery eye. I don't sleep well. I cannot meet people. I'm not supposed to go to public places. This spring is tough. People in my lab take turn to be sick. I thought I could get away with it. Yet T can still joke with me. "You miss me so much that you cannot stop crying. That's so sweet", he said on the phone. "Whatever--ah--chee", I replied.

Staying home is interesting. I try to get a lot of sleep. My sleep is shallow and full of dreams, including some dirty ones. People that I haven't met for centuries appear to greet me in my dreams. TV shows became my new best friends. "Ugly Betty" is perfect because it is very light-hearted. I wish that the interior designers for the show could do my place when I have one. Each office space and home is so stylish.

There is this episode in which Betty got an award for her blog. It described how Betty tried to face her "weirdo" past. As an extension of this concept, the question is: Do you acknowledge your background or personality? This episode reminded me of one of my own stories. On one weekend day when I was back in middle school. I wanted to go out with my parents. But I wanted my mom to change her sweater which didn't look that great. She examined me and said sharply, "I'm not going." The air was suddenly awkward. To ease the situation, my dad took me out. I don't remember how my mom and I solved the situation later. I only remember I couldn't enjoy myself while I was out with my dad. I knew I hurt my mom's feelings. My mom is someone who doesn't care about her appearance; but I wanted her to be someone better than her. Now, when I go out with my parents, I don't really care how they look, as long as what they wear is not inappropriate. As Betty said in her speech, and I quote not in the exact words, "it's the weirdo in the past that took me here; I'm not ashamed of her". "And so are you", she said to her audience. Then someone in the audience said, "who said we are weirdos?" People talk about confidence. Maybe the first step is accepting yourself.

Back to my own story, what's interesting is that my mom sometimes seems to be conscious of her look now. For example, she would consider putting on something decently looking when going out. Both of us has made some changes. That's another topic.

弥补

五月底离开三藩市。（习惯了叫San Francisco旧金山，有点历史的味道。但广东人都说三藩市，我也跟着流行一把。）先回北京呆两个多月，去上一个德语班。八月中再回来，搬去洛杉矶。

一直想上一个正式的德语班。去德国前和在德国时，都没怎么认真学。这次弥补一下。歌德学院，周一到周五，上午上课，连续八周。其实很想去上海度过这两个月，从来没有去过，也想了解一下那里的环境。可比较了一下北京和上海的师资，还是决定留在北京。北京在文化方面的很多条件，其它城市还是无法相比的。至于它糟糕的气候，权且忍了。

我好像一直在弥补以前的愿望。在德国时，努力寻找机会来美国，是弥补大学毕业没直接来美国的遗憾。现在来了美国，又想攒钱去欧洲旅游，来弥补以前在德国时没怎么出游的遗憾。考大学时，想报外语或外交专业，被劝阻，说是没什么前途，改报工程，现在又返回来做口译。以前很想学一们二外，但学德语时觉得是为生计所迫，所以没什么积极性，现在却又回头来补课。有时想想，自己的这些马后炮行为真挺可笑。可笑就可笑吧，都是在某个阶段、某个心境下做的选择。其间散掉的无数银子，买来了些智慧和自省，也不算太冤枉。

倒是有一个愿望我总算不再耿耿于怀。名校情节。经历了这么多年，看过这么多人，真不觉得一个人的能力和修养需要一个学校的名声来佐证。世界已经有了这么多的圈子，没必要再给自己加一个。

Protein

I finally joined the crew who take protein powder. My excuse is that I'm going to Hawaii. But my coworker, Cheri, pointed it out more straightforwardly, "you just want to be naked." "No, maybe only topless", I said. So now, on the days I work out, I drink a protein shake which has about 20g of protein. But since I almost only do cardio, my chest has been the same as before.

It was T who got me into this protein business. I don't reckon where he picked up this idea originally. He does weights. And his protein powder is more concentrated than mine. So I do see his chest is getting bigger.

My attitude towards myself taking protein powder is mixed. On one hand, I cannot believe I joined the superficial gay trend: Work out, gain muscle, get attention. On the other hand, I got hooked, imaging myself someday to have a great body as the cover models do. Anyway, working out is not a bad thing. Until I got tired of this protein game, let me just enjoy my cardio classes and protein shake.

My diet had been carb based since I was little. My parents' kitchen table was like either steam bread+rice porridge+a vegetable dish or rice+noodle+a veggie dish. Veggie dish could be replaced by a salad or a egg dish. They didn't cook a lot of meat partly because I wasn't a big fan of it and partly because meat was expensive. So in my mind, whenever I miss my parents' cooking, I think of dishes like potato and eggplant, or tomato tofu, or egg and green pepper. The thing about carb based diet was that I got hungry very soon. Even though I ate two big steam breads and a rice porridge for breakfast, I was hungry when it was ten thirty in the morning.

I hadn't really thought about diet structure until I came to California. Here diet and health seems to be such a big thing. Every girl is reading the calorie info about the food they eat. Every girl, like Cheri, is on a diet, forever. You can find diet program on each major TV network everyday. Under influence like this, I learned to pay attention to my diet and gradually tried to switch to the "balanced diet", meaning not just taking carbs but also a fair amount of protein everyday.

According to some articles from internet, I should take about 56g of protein for my weight. Here is an example:

A cup of milk in breakfast: ~10g;

Orange chicken in lunch: ~15g;

Chicken salad for dinner: ~15g;

A yogurt: 6-9g;

Some nuts to make up the rest of the 56g.

Maybe this protein based diet is really working. I don't get hungry that often.

Or, it's just because I believed it has worked?