Hang lose

The past Sunday was a warm sunny day. The first thing that came across my mind was going to the Golden Gate Park! Volleyball playing, frisbee throwing, and people watching are all very fun. When tired, I laid down on the grass, picking up the book "Observing life peacefully" (《静观人生》) to read. It is a collection of essays written by painter and writer Feng Zikai (丰子凯). In one essay, one of his friends was telling him that "it is easy to paint the unpredictable of life, while it is not to paint everyday life" (“画无常易，而画有常难”). Paraphrased, it is like saying that it is easy to describe, and also to remember, the dramas of life -- good things like promotion and wins, bad things like break-ups or loss of close people, but it is challenging to record, and perhaps to enjoy, your daily life. In a way, to live life is to learn to live both the dramas and the humdrum.

The "drama" of my recent life is that I have been to Hawaii. Another line on my wish list crossed! I booked my ticket way back in January, which gave me something to look forward to for three months. I got excited immediately when I saw the tropical plants at the little garden of Honolulu's airport, like the banana trees and the elephant ears. This excitement lasted through the whole trip, from buying my own Aloha shirt, to watching the Hula and the Tahitian grass skirt dances, to visiting the local favorite Waimanalo beach, and to hiking in the rain forest and sea kayaking. T did a great job on planning the itinerary. We did everything he planned.

There are so many things I love about Hawaii, obviously, and probably like many people do. One of them is that Hawaiian people seem to be very laid back. Just like their life philosophy: Hang lose. The speed limit for driving is 35 to 45mph. Nobody honks at each other, which is really rare for San Franciscans. In a safeway store, it took one server five minutes to make me a sandwich, whereas in San Francisco, it may take only ninety seconds. People there seem to imply, "take your time; no hurries".

The trip was only a bit short. Three full days plus two half-days. We haven't got a chance to climb the Diamond Peak and visit the Pearl Harbor. Well, there is always another time, no hurries.

锻炼

周末去Tahoe滑雪，赶雪季的末班车。（题外话：那天电视上重播《教父》一，发现它竟拍摄于Lake Tahoe！）

傍晚出发的时候，湾区晴朗灿烂，于是下意识地认为只有三个半小时车程的Tahoe应该不会不同到哪里去。没有看Tahoe天气情况，没有带雪链。哪知进山后碰上纷飞大雪，有几段能见度几乎为零。风速也不小，雪片被风裹着，在车灯打照的锥形光区里组成各种队形，倏忽变换，就像银鱼群在海里变换各种形状。汽车都纷纷停下，安装雪链。我和T战战兢兢地开着我们20岁的车，把车速降到20－30迈。最后总算安全抵达。

第二天，天放晴，阳光明媚，有了前一天新鲜的雪末，滑起来感觉非常好。再次赞一下Sugar Bowl雪场雪季末的“买一张缆车票，免费租雪具和上课”的促销活动。去年也是赶上了同样的好事，上了一节课，把我的滑雪水平从绿道升级到了蓝道上。今年又上了一节课，练习两雪板并行拐弯技术。在课的最后，老师还教了一些倒滑、穿树林、跳雪堆的小技巧，都挺刺激。这次最大的收获是悟到了怎么直腰，身体重心不再习惯性往后坐。腰一直起来，顿觉一切都轻松了许多。T也玩得很激动，尝到了滑雪的乐趣。他生平第二次滑，上了一节课，可以在绿道上用比萨饼脚法转弯（Wedge turning）了。体育锻炼对人有益，除了在运动时身体产生的一些化学分子让人兴奋，还有在你感受到掌握一些新东西时心理上的满足。

对有些运动，象滑雪，我比较容易进步。另一些，象排球，我进步则比较慢。打了一年多了，下手传球（bumping）还是摸不着头脑。网上教程看了很多，也上过几次课，技术理论都知道，就是转换到实践时，总是觉得那么别扭。可能只有不断练习，直到“顿悟”的那一刻。

最近又喜欢上了两项新运动。一是太极，一是Zumba。

萌发学太极的想法是十二月回国看到爸爸在打。他跟着一张光盘学了几个月，就打得非常有模样了。回来时，爸爸把他的光盘给了我。光盘扔在那里好久没动。后来在给我的中文学生上课时，为贯彻寓教于乐的理念，胡乱教了他们几下印象中的太极动作。没想到他们非常喜欢。于是打几招太极成了我们上课的一部分。我也按着光盘认真地学起来。我喜欢打太极时手脚协调、轻飘飘的感觉。讨论太极拳也成了我和爸爸打电话时的一个新话题。

Zumba是我的健身房最近退出的一个新的舞蹈健身课。是Salsa和肚皮舞（Belly dancing）的一个组合。节奏感很强，很多扭腰的动作。起初跟不上，也放不开。后来发现，大家在跳时，都盯着老师或镜子中的自己在跳，没人注意我。还有两位老爷爷也美滋滋地跳着。于是我也放松地跳了起来。

都是锻炼身体嘛，出汗高兴就好。

Plateau

Betty

Being sick is no fun. Runny nose. Watery eye. I don't sleep well. I cannot meet people. I'm not supposed to go to public places. This spring is tough. People in my lab take turn to be sick. I thought I could get away with it. Yet T can still joke with me. "You miss me so much that you cannot stop crying. That's so sweet", he said on the phone. "Whatever--ah--chee", I replied.

Staying home is interesting. I try to get a lot of sleep. My sleep is shallow and full of dreams, including some dirty ones. People that I haven't met for centuries appear to greet me in my dreams. TV shows became my new best friends. "Ugly Betty" is perfect because it is very light-hearted. I wish that the interior designers for the show could do my place when I have one. Each office space and home is so stylish.

There is this episode in which Betty got an award for her blog. It described how Betty tried to face her "weirdo" past. As an extension of this concept, the question is: Do you acknowledge your background or personality? This episode reminded me of one of my own stories. On one weekend day when I was back in middle school. I wanted to go out with my parents. But I wanted my mom to change her sweater which didn't look that great. She examined me and said sharply, "I'm not going." The air was suddenly awkward. To ease the situation, my dad took me out. I don't remember how my mom and I solved the situation later. I only remember I couldn't enjoy myself while I was out with my dad. I knew I hurt my mom's feelings. My mom is someone who doesn't care about her appearance; but I wanted her to be someone better than her. Now, when I go out with my parents, I don't really care how they look, as long as what they wear is not inappropriate. As Betty said in her speech, and I quote not in the exact words, "it's the weirdo in the past that took me here; I'm not ashamed of her". "And so are you", she said to her audience. Then someone in the audience said, "who said we are weirdos?" People talk about confidence. Maybe the first step is accepting yourself.

Back to my own story, what's interesting is that my mom sometimes seems to be conscious of her look now. For example, she would consider putting on something decently looking when going out. Both of us has made some changes. That's another topic.

弥补

五月底离开三藩市。（习惯了叫San Francisco旧金山，有点历史的味道。但广东人都说三藩市，我也跟着流行一把。）先回北京呆两个多月，去上一个德语班。八月中再回来，搬去洛杉矶。

一直想上一个正式的德语班。去德国前和在德国时，都没怎么认真学。这次弥补一下。歌德学院，周一到周五，上午上课，连续八周。其实很想去上海度过这两个月，从来没有去过，也想了解一下那里的环境。可比较了一下北京和上海的师资，还是决定留在北京。北京在文化方面的很多条件，其它城市还是无法相比的。至于它糟糕的气候，权且忍了。

我好像一直在弥补以前的愿望。在德国时，努力寻找机会来美国，是弥补大学毕业没直接来美国的遗憾。现在来了美国，又想攒钱去欧洲旅游，来弥补以前在德国时没怎么出游的遗憾。考大学时，想报外语或外交专业，被劝阻，说是没什么前途，改报工程，现在又返回来做口译。以前很想学一们二外，但学德语时觉得是为生计所迫，所以没什么积极性，现在却又回头来补课。有时想想，自己的这些马后炮行为真挺可笑。可笑就可笑吧，都是在某个阶段、某个心境下做的选择。其间散掉的无数银子，买来了些智慧和自省，也不算太冤枉。

倒是有一个愿望我总算不再耿耿于怀。名校情节。经历了这么多年，看过这么多人，真不觉得一个人的能力和修养需要一个学校的名声来佐证。世界已经有了这么多的圈子，没必要再给自己加一个。

Protein

I finally joined the crew who take protein powder. My excuse is that I'm going to Hawaii. But my coworker, Cheri, pointed it out more straightforwardly, "you just want to be naked." "No, maybe only topless", I said. So now, on the days I work out, I drink a protein shake which has about 20g of protein. But since I almost only do cardio, my chest has been the same as before.

It was T who got me into this protein business. I don't reckon where he picked up this idea originally. He does weights. And his protein powder is more concentrated than mine. So I do see his chest is getting bigger.

My attitude towards myself taking protein powder is mixed. On one hand, I cannot believe I joined the superficial gay trend: Work out, gain muscle, get attention. On the other hand, I got hooked, imaging myself someday to have a great body as the cover models do. Anyway, working out is not a bad thing. Until I got tired of this protein game, let me just enjoy my cardio classes and protein shake.

My diet had been carb based since I was little. My parents' kitchen table was like either steam bread+rice porridge+a vegetable dish or rice+noodle+a veggie dish. Veggie dish could be replaced by a salad or a egg dish. They didn't cook a lot of meat partly because I wasn't a big fan of it and partly because meat was expensive. So in my mind, whenever I miss my parents' cooking, I think of dishes like potato and eggplant, or tomato tofu, or egg and green pepper. The thing about carb based diet was that I got hungry very soon. Even though I ate two big steam breads and a rice porridge for breakfast, I was hungry when it was ten thirty in the morning.

I hadn't really thought about diet structure until I came to California. Here diet and health seems to be such a big thing. Every girl is reading the calorie info about the food they eat. Every girl, like Cheri, is on a diet, forever. You can find diet program on each major TV network everyday. Under influence like this, I learned to pay attention to my diet and gradually tried to switch to the "balanced diet", meaning not just taking carbs but also a fair amount of protein everyday.

According to some articles from internet, I should take about 56g of protein for my weight. Here is an example:

A cup of milk in breakfast: ~10g;

Orange chicken in lunch: ~15g;

Chicken salad for dinner: ~15g;

A yogurt: 6-9g;

Some nuts to make up the rest of the 56g.

Maybe this protein based diet is really working. I don't get hungry that often.

Or, it's just because I believed it has worked?

刮痧

前天晚上T突然病了。头疼背疼得要命。给他吃了两颗advil。他等不及药效发作，就建议我给他刮痧，说可以用dog tag沾着清凉油刮。我以前看过妈妈给爸爸刮痧，是用顶针或硬币沾着水刮，不几下爸爸的背上就红得一道一道的。清凉油有清热祛痛功能，又可以润滑，比水要好，不过我都多少年没用了，身边没有。有body lotion，可它只可润滑没有药效。突然想到我以前回国买的马应龙麝香痔疮膏。当时看了网上盛传的此膏药是优质眼霜的帖子，说睡前涂上，可消除黑眼圈。回来试了两次，它的气味呛得我睡不着，就没再用。从柜子里翻出来，看成分，是麝香、珍珠等，都是清热消肿的药物。于是就用它代替清凉油。先给他刮了脊柱两侧，然后从脊柱向外刮。一道道红印显现出来，和电影里被皮鞭抽打的效果类似。和他开玩笑说，是domestic violence。刮完后，他蒙头大睡，出了一夜汗。看来马氏药膏的神奇用途又多了一条——按摩或刮痧用油。

T在屋内大睡的时候，我们在客厅紧张地观看冬奥会花样滑双人决赛。K的点评比电视评论员还专业，每个动作的名字如数家珍。各对选手纷纷失误，帮助了申赵夺冠。他们两人的编舞非常有感染力。特别是短节目，无比流畅，让人眼花缭乱。相比四年前两人在turino的表演，真不可同日而语。好的是两次都没有时差，都是在第一时间观看比赛。一直很喜欢他们大气的风格，这次夺冠很为他们高兴。十八年的努力是对执著和毅力的最好诠释。